#in anthropology we call this a process of unliving
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all i want is for someone to make me cry.
#it concerns me how little i care about what other people say to me#ive only ever met one person who seemed like they had the capacity to actually move me to tears#most people i find it hard not to look straight through#like they were a flimsy representation of what a human looks like what it sounds like#but not what it truly means#even here you guys think that you can hurt me by sending hateful anons#or that you can excite me by telling me things#exciting news about the world exciting news about movies or shows or whatever#and i feign enthusiasm but never once in real life has my face really changed#have i ever felt something on the screen actually affect me as a person#sometimes i dont feel human and i think its a flaw in my makeup#like i was born with only half a human soul and everyone else is blissfully walking around feeling everything there is to feel#but me im lost in my own world disconnected from others#in anthropology we call this a process of unliving#of being so disconnected from other beings that we experience a social death which can be just as true a death as the ending of#the physical body#does anyone know what im talking about#or are all of you a part of a great big human society#in which you feel connected and a part of something even in a negative way#i wonder sometimes#i think that i will never find anything worth living for because there is something missing in myself that others need#to love their hobbies their art their friends their family#its something that allows people to love without breaking and maybe even breaking sometimes#but i dont have it and its frustrating sometimes but mostly its confusing#and i think i will miss my entire life waiting to get it
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